Build-a-GPA Program
1. Customizable GPA Components:
• Students can choose the weight of various GPA factors, such as:
• Class participation (showing up counts as an “A”).
• Extra credit for meme creation.
• Attendance at campus events (virtual or real).
• Mastery of procrastination as an art form.
2. GPA Boost Activities:
• Earn GPA points through activities like:
• Winning a campus rock-paper-scissors tournament.
• Successfully binge-watching an entire TV series and writing a 3-sentence review.
• Surviving a “Group Project Nightmare” simulation without rage-quitting.
• Dressing as your favorite historical figure for no reason other than impressing faculty.
3. Scam Classes for GPA “Optimization”:
• Enroll in “easy-A” courses like:
• Napping 101: Theory and Techniques.
• The Art of Email Avoidance.
• Advanced Snack Pairing for Study Sessions.
4. Creative Grade Negotiations:
• A “no-questions-asked” policy for adjusting grades if you:
• Write an emotional plea in the form of slam poetry.
• Record a TikTok explaining why you deserve an “A” with at least 10 likes.
• Convince a professor to play a quick game of Uno, winner takes all.
5. Personalized GPA Tiers:
• Choose your own GPA type:
• The “Participation Trophy” GPA: Everyone gets a 4.0 for trying.
• The “Roll the Dice” GPA: GPA is calculated using a D20 die.
• The “Real-World” GPA: Based solely on how well you manage to budget fake campus currency.
6. Adjustable GPA Calculator:
• Students can input their desired GPA into the Build-a-GPA app, which auto-generates justification essays, fake graphs, and data charts to convince the administration.
The Build-a-GPA Program is a revolutionary initiative, created by Pearl-Schett University’s Department of Lethargy, designed to give students complete control over their academic destiny—or at least their grade point average. It’s an entirely impractical yet highly customizable system that makes traditional grading irrelevant, prioritizing creativity, humor, and absurdity over actual academic achievement.
Key Features of the Build-a-GPA Program:
***The Build-a-GPA program is satire that mocks the academic obsession with grades while celebrating the humor and creativity of students who would rather have fun than cram for finals.***