Saba’s “Care for Me” Three Years Later
—The importance of the grieving process
Kendra Martin
We all have those albums that can take you back to a certain place in your life whether it is a happy memory, or even a sad one and this past April, it has officially been three years since Saba released his critically acclaimed second studio album, “CARE FOR ME” and with the anniversary passing, this album makes me really look back to Saba giving us his audio journal in a way and the piece of art that he gifted us with is flawless. Somber but a masterpiece.
Mock-up by: Dan Parker Design“CARE FOR ME” is one of those albums that hit me instantly the first time I heard it. I honestly remembered what music was released around the time it dropped. Cardi B dropped her long awaited debut album, “Invasion of Privacy” that won ended up winning a Grammy for the Best Rap Album in 2019, Kali Uchis dropped her critically acclaimed debut album “Isolation” and Alina Baraz dropped her EP, “The Colors of You”. And in addition to this major day in music, Saba released his album, “CARE FOR ME”. With all the great music that was released that day in April that provided a great backdrop for the spring weather as being a little bit more lively, this was the album that blew me away and personally, I needed at the time.
Oddly enough, I was not a huge Saba fan at the time when this album came out. I listened to his 2016 album, “Bucket List Project” and thought it was okay, definitely a few songs I enjoyed but nothing extraordinary. I liked Saba but I didn’t feel him. This album however, I felt him. “CARE FOR ME” is an album that tackles the grieving process as Saba illustrates the pain and emptiness he felt after the death of his cousin John Walt. For ten songs, Saba takes the listener on a journey as he tackles denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. I wholeheartedly felt his pain, grief, and the depressive state that he was in after his cousin’s untimely passing.
BUSY / SIRENS sets the mood of the album of Saba being so busy to the point where he is running away from mourning. He has so many people around him but at the same time, he feels lonely because he lost the one person he felt close to, his cousin. Not his friends or even his girlfriends can fill that void of loneliness that his cousin left after he passed and the next song, BROKEN GIRLS finds Saba self-deprecating. He is surrounding himself with women where the only thing they have in common with him is depression and self-destruction. But the song CALLIGRAPHY details that all crashing down where Saba has no choice but to be honest with himself about his self-destructive state.
This song is one of my favorites and one of the most honest. Lines like “I’m not mad at God, I just can’t get out of bed”, explains how depression makes you feel. It’s hard to get out of bed because you have to face the day. It’s exhausting. But this song also details how important writing is and how it helped to pull Saba out of depression. When the chorus continues to repeat, “Write it away, write it away, I just got tired of running away, running away”, Saba finds a solace in writing as he helps him to face his depression head on and no longer allow it to swallow him. The song also explains why I feel writing is so important. Whether it is music, poetry, journaling, writing is something that I always feel can help with working through grief cause it’s when you can be your most honest and authentic self. You don’t have to worry about others misunderstanding you or judging you. The pages aren’t going to judge you or get tired of you filling them out. You just have to write it out no matter what it is.
The final two songs however, on this album is one of my favorite moments on an album in a very long time.. The transition from PROM / KING to HEAVEN ALL AROUND ME is something to marvel at. PROM / KING is an epic seven minute song that humanizes John Walt and allows the listener to understand who exactly he is and why he is missed. Saba details their relationship that started off initially rocky but eventually grew into a brotherhood.
The song starts off really mellow but when the beat switches, the mood of the song intensifies as Saba’s rapping becomes more rapid and frantic to illustrate the situation and unfortunately, when we get the end of the song, John Walt is killed and the last thing we hear is his uncredited vocals sing, “Just another day in ghetto, oh the streets bring sorrow. Can’t get up today with their schedule, I just hope I make it to tomorrow.”
The album closes with HEAVEN ALL AROUND ME that is told from John Walt’s perspective. In this song, we reach the last stage of grief - acceptance. Production wise, this song feels lighter and sunnier and the chorus echoes, “No, I can’t feel your pain, but I can see the stars. No, I ain’t leave in vain, but I know we with God. There’s heaven all around me, there’s heaven all around me.” It is a song of assurance that he is okay and that he has no regrets. There is beauty and tranquility on the other side of life and Saba finds peace with that knowing that his cousin is okay as it gives him the strength to accept that he is gone and that he has to move forward with his own life in order to keep their memory alive.
What makes this song so somber is that when grieving, many people do not reach this stage. They become swallowed by sadness and understandably so, but being able to reach a point of acceptance is a triumph within itself. Although you know your loved one will never return, at least not in the physical sense, you know that they are always there with you in other ways and those ways that you choose to celebrate them or remember their memory is enough to at least try to keep going.
“CARE FOR ME” is an example of why the grieving process is a hard journey, but in the end, it is a necessary one in order to move forward. This album is like an audio journal and each song is a separate entry of Saba’s journey through dealing with grief and heartbreak. When the album begins, Saba introduces us to him as someone who is lonely and self-deprecating but by the end of the album, it gives off the intention that things are going to be okay. Not necessarily that Saba is back to his original self more like there is light at the end of the tunnel even after the passing of his cousin.
I think why this album hit me on such a personal level is that with Saba being from Chicago, I had a personal connection with that. And unfortunately, Chicago which has had the attention of the media for the rampant crime within the city, hearing Saba lose his cousin not to gun violence, but a brutal stabbing and the last vocals we hear from John Walt being, “just another day in the ghetto”, almost feels like most people chalk up the deaths of individuals in the city as something to shake your head at and move on from because we have become so desensitized to death. However, the people who live in these communities still suffer from PTSD from losing their loved ones at such a rapid rate.
Depression, especially within the black community, is something that is not discussed enough and is oftentimes seen as the boogieman. However, it’s real and we as black people are not immune from suffering from depression. It’s okay to seek help and it’s okay to seek refuge and it’s okay to admit we are not okay. That doesn’t make us any less strong because we’ve been having to be strong for so long. I’ll always appreciate “CARE FOR ME” for tackling that stigma and I hope this album was able to help anyone out of the darkness and three years later is still continuing to do that.
